Jiminy Cricket’s retribution, or The Accidental Pumpkins

By the time I got up two hours after I intended to leave the house, and left another hour after that, I was already doubting my ability to get to the Lizard in time to eat my tuna sandwich from home (because we all know I’m about to buy some unsolicited vegetables in this story, but my initial intentions were pure) and get back again before the Cornish country lanes turned into the pitch black labyrinths I now know them to be.… Read More Jiminy Cricket’s retribution, or The Accidental Pumpkins

When I wake up

I brush my teeth and wash my face. It takes forever to do both. With the teeth, I’m one of the only people in the world who actually pays attention to the two-minute timer on their electric toothbrush. It’s a really long time when you’re just standing there marvelling at the way your hair always finds a new angle at which to stick up and trying not to dribble Colgate down your pyjamas. With the face, there’s something unpleasant about that first shock of water on skin first thing in the morning. I’ll happily throw myself into the sea on any given day, but get soap involved and water is immediately a chore.… Read More When I wake up