To the front of him are three rows. Anybody in possession of any level of logic knows that those three rows are going to be A, B, and C. This man decides his ticket is actually telling him to sit one row further back next to a very pretty blonde girl who immediately becomes engrossed in conversation with her friend. That is not how the alphabet works.
As the people in D 1-4 stand up to let the man out, he lifts a leg and tries to climb over his seat into the row behind (which the citizens of row D all know is row E, but we’ve made a psychic agreement not to say anything on account of the fact that we all just want this man out of our lives).… Read More The man at the cinema who can bite me
I filled in all of the forms, and even told the truth about my alcohol intake because, like I said, I am a grown up now, and grown ups don’t lie about how much wine they put away while watching Countryfile.… Read More N.H. Oh Yes.
I’ve been stuck in my flat for a lot of my first week. Not, like, all the time, but bar going to work and taking an occasional trip to buy unnecessary cut-price vegetables, I’ve been stuck in rooms full of boxes trying to make a dent in the flat packs. I’m in kind of a… Read More It’s beginning to look a lot like Cornwall
If it weren’t for the fact that all the things are still in boxes, you could definitely walk through the front door and assume I’d been there for years rather than a week.… Read More I bought a swede
My £9 TV stand is far sturdier than I had anticipated. Sturdy enough to propel me into a brief-but-steep spiral of paranoia. They should use that on the adverts.… Read More I have a weight problem
I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that a person gets a teardrop tattoo under their eye when they’ve murdered someone. Which is super-interesting, because one of the delivery guys had two.… Read More A Tale of Two Deliveries
I let him because I’m a strong, independent woman, but when I’m knackered and stressed and sweating feminism can do one.… Read More First Night